Its all over
My relationshp with IamWhoIam ended about 2 weeks ago as a result of all I have posted about not getting resolved on their end, and other factors.
My SO decided to be dishonest with me,and continues to be dishonest with his primary gf, and he also chose to pursure a 4th sexual/intimate relationship while all this drama was going on. I would have thought he would choose to put his energy into working on the relationships he currently had, instead of starting up another...but I guess his new toy seemed like more fun than us old toys..
He also did a few things to show to me how little he cared about me or our relationship and when I told him I was unsure I was, he reacted with complete indifference to my feelings. It was all my fault basically, and he shouldnt need to 'prove' anything. So basically throughout the next week he treated me with similar disinterest. Didn't make any effort to help me feel loved or supported. Just left me to be and deal with everything alone.
I made the decision that this was not a rewarding and supportive relationship for me, and made the decision to end it. Which was hard as I love him so much.
He now maintains that he does care for me a lot. But it seems that he only ever wants to show this when I've pulled away or tried to end things. I'm not sure if he only wants me now, because he can't have me. I guess it makes not difference anyway as I'm moving on with my life.
I hope to maintain a friendship with him, as he really is an amazing person. I've got a lot of forgiveness to do though.. I'm feeling very hurt and let down.
I don't think I will actively seek out polyamorous relationships in the future. I will be open to them if thats what happens, however I really feel like I need a rest now, from dealing with, not only my own relationship, but the constant dramas of IamWhoIam's other relationships. Maybe I am being unfair to Poly, and this is more specifically related to the individuals involved in these particular poly relationships. I just feel so relieved to be off the rollarcoaster ride. To not have to worry about my life be dictacted by someone who doesn't even want to be a part of my life. It just seems so easy and uncomplicated to imagine a two person relationship and just looking at each others needs...
Although I never imagine I will live in a bubble in a two person monogomous relationship... Poly has certainly burst some bubbles for me (in a great way!)
Thanks again for all your interesting thought and advice on this forum. IT has certainly helped me throughout my journey!