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Old 05-31-2013, 09:39 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Well this week could be going better - I was having a nice date with Brian when he found out his other partner's parent had died, so we finished dinner and he went to go support them. next day I was getting ready to go see Greg when he got news that one of his partners was headed to the ER, luckily it didn't end up being a worst case scenario but it was a very stressful evening. I'm a bit scared to go out with Adam tonight -that whole bad news comes in three thing. I'd really love it if I weren't a bit superstitious, but I've certainly seen bad news come in three often enough. It doesn't help that I've never felt like I'm good at comforting people - I can listen and be there, but I don't think I'm good at saying things to make people feel reassured, or hopeful - so my stress levels rise the longer that I'm sitting there feeling impotent at making things better. I should probably get a book on it.

Things with Greg are going well, I love him, he's awesome, but the amount of stress that has been going on in his life since we started dating 4 months ago is phenomenal, and he's a emotional projector (as am I), and I'm overflowing with sensitive empathy, and it's just not the best combination. It makes it hard to deal with new stress situations when they come up since I am neck deep as it is. I don't want to even think about what would've happened if his partner hadn't been OK, I'm not sure how well equipped I would've been to deal with it. Life is asking more of this new relationship than I expected, but I am trying to rise to the challenge.

ok, enough downsides

I've always wanted my partners to be friends with Adam if possible, and Adam and Greg are having lunch every week or two. It's interesting them having an independent relationship, finding out by a casual "Greg and I are having lunch tomorrow". I always pictured these husband/partner relationships would be killing zombies and talking about inconsequential man shit (unless I was dating a girl which might mean talking about gender neutral stuff and/or getting naked), but nope, they both have heavy shit going on in their relationships, and actually talk about it sometimes. I don't think they are going to become BFF but this is enough to make me happy, and I sure wish to have that sort of relationship with my metamours.

I'm excited about this but the one downside is that means I shouldn't really talk to Adam about issues I'm having with Greg, or Greg with issues I'm having with Adam. I'm such a talker that it's going to be hard, but it wouldn't be fair to put them in the middle. They both have a pretty good idea about all the serious problems we are all going through so at least I don't feel I have to keep much to myself, but it's going to be a new skill to learn.

The three of us are going to go bowling together tomorrow too, if that goes OK, maybe I'll suggest Greg invite one of his other partners and/their partners...Adam loves bowling and being social so I'm trying hard to step out of my introverted shell and make social opportunities possible, but while my stress levels are high I'm preferring very small group events over larger ones.

It's very nice to watch Adam change for the better too. Working hard to suppress any desire for him to HURRY UP so he will start dating again so I don't feel like it's imbalanced. Right now his weekly hobbies disappeared with his job change, so with me going from one date a week to three, it means he's spending a lot more time by himself which he's never really loved. Ironically now that he's opened up about the things he was keeping from me, his perspective has shifted so he no longer feels its imbalanced and is focusing on the fact he's not able to be a great partner to others until he's one for himself. Things are looking promising if they keep up this way, and I'm glad because none of the problems we had came from him DATING.

Brian is still super awesome too, I'm sure there might be some upcoming stress due to our different communication styles when he's taking a more active roll in seeking new partners which is rolling around here soon, but at least after two years I know what a loving kind wonderful person he is, and should be able to roll with things and not assume negative intent to his actions.

Yeah this post was all over the place, kinda reflecting the state of my mind
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