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Old 05-31-2013, 07:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afar View Post
Right now I am trying to get over all the hateful words that still linger, and the negative emotions that have been imprinted on my home. Any advice to get past that?
Well, I would say that if there are any things you still need to express to him, do it now - don't let it fester. You can say, "there are just some issues I need to get off my chest because they're still bothering me, and I just need you to listen." And then say what you need to say, but keep it focused on how you feel, rather than what he did "wrong."

Then, the most important thing to do is forgive - both him and yourself. To forgive is to wipe the slate clean as if it never happened. No, it's not about pretending it didn't happen -- there are still lessons to be learned -- but forgiveness means you don't hold on to resentments or a need to punish. If you are going to move on in the present, then you have to resist the urge to hold the past over his head. And that makes it easier to see the lessons you learned.

If you ever catch yourself feeling angry or resentful, the trick is to acknowledge that you are indulging or immersing yourself in past hurts, but then -- and this might sound flippant, but I don't mean it that way -- you just don't go there. Tell yourself "no." Occupy yourself with something that takes your mind off the past and get yourself present in your body, appreciating what's in front of you in the here and now. It can be as simple as stopping to listen to a bird singing outside your window.

Finally, this is gonna sound a little New Age Woo-woo, but if you feel like some bad juju is still in your home, you can always do a smudge ritual (where herbs are burned and you actively dispel stale or bad energy from a space). If you do a smudge with epsom salts it really makes a difference (Google it). You can use that opportunity to get out a little anger by using your voice and yelling "Go away, negative energy! I take my home back!"
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-31-2013 at 07:10 PM.
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