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Old 05-30-2013, 09:18 PM
OnTheCusp OnTheCusp is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 25
Default New here! Already need advice!

I probably already know the answer. . . just hoping someone will tell me what I WANT to hear!

Long story--my husband and I have been married almost 16 years. It is a monogamous relationship. Or at least, it WAS, until he had two affairs. We are currently reconciled, and in a wonderful place in our relationship--honestly, it's better than it has ever been.

Our social group is very poly-friendly or poly-positive, whatever you want to call it. One couple we know socially is a man and his secondary girlfriend. I've never officially met his primary girlfriend. In the time I've known them, I've always found him attractive, but NEVER thought of him in any way other than just a friend of ours, because I've always been monogamous.

So after my husband's affairs came out, and I was learning to adapt to and process this new knowledge, this man and his girlfriend came to our house for a welcome home party we were having for a friend. After everyone had gone, my husband and I were talking about my self esteem, and he said, "Mike (not his real name) would fuck the shit out of you!" I didn't really believe him, but I did say that I thought Mike was "doable." My husband then said that if it was something I wanted to do, it would be okay, because I'd more than earned it, and if it made me happy and made me feel beautiful and sexy, go for it. He thought it would be kind of hot. (Just a note--my husband has NEVER been jealous.)

So I was having a conversation with Mike on Facebook the next day, and he was being very polite and appropriate. He did, however, make some remark about not being his normal flirty self with me until I knew him better. I told him to go ahead and flirt, because my self esteem had really taken a nosedive with the affairs, and I also told him I'd been given the go-ahead to have a fling of my own. Well. Mike came slightly unglued. He told me that that was NOT what I should have said to him, because he'd long thought I was quite desirable and often got tongue-tied around me. Got kinda flirty, but nothing too forward. We met for lunch and conversation a few days later, and that ended with a kiss. I told my husband about it, and he wasn't bothered at all. All he asked was that I not lie about seeing Mike.

Fast forward. Mike and I keep texting, planning to meet up for something a little more. We finally got together day before yesterday at his place, agreeing that we wouldn't tell anybody. We spent a lovely few hours together.

So here I am. I feel like I should tell my husband, because I don't like lying, and I think he'll be okay with it. I would very much like to continue this relationship with Mike, although I think it really is a finite thing--I don't see either of us looking at it as a long-term proposal. Maybe fairly intense for a short time, or very occasionally for a longer time. Make sense?

Anyway, the problem is that I'd like to continue, my husband is okay with it, and thinks hearing about anything we might do would be smoking hot. But I am NOT okay with him seeing anybody else, because I'm jealous as hell. Are there poly relationships where one partner is poly and the other isn't, but is accepting of it? I'm a huge hypocrite, aren't I? Ack!
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