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Old 01-22-2010, 10:33 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by SileRuric View Post
Colin says he wont date non poly girls, but it is also very clear that while he loves me, my love for him is deeper (we have both talked about this and agree) where does that leave me and Kathrine if Kitty is not poly? can we even compete? i am so scared of losing him, what if it turns out that he would rather live with her then me,

or will this all go away once i meet her like it did with Kat?
Some of us have crystal balls (and some of us just walk funny), but I don't do either, so looking in the future isn't something I can do.

But I would pose a question - if he does want to be with Kitty instead of you and Katherine, if that would make him happier, don't you want him to be happy? Trying to cling on to him (not that I am syaing that you are, but some do out of fear) ends up just pushing them away and resenting you for doing it.

If he is truly poly then the idea of committing to one person for the rest of his life is probably going to feel very... hmm.. what's the word, here? problematic to him - because it's not just losing you two for her, it's losing everyone else that could come along for her.

If she is poly, then there won't have to be a choice made, will there?

Don't compete - don't turn it into a competition.

Have you talked to him about this? Your concerns, your fears? If not, then I think you absolutely need to. That gives him a chance to tell you exactly how he feels, which may well reassure you and put some of these fears to rest.
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