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Old 01-22-2010, 05:32 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

GS, I definitely agree with much of what you have written and consider it great advice. I would like to give a different point of view on a couple of your points, though.

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Originally Posted by ;
I have always reserved sexual interaction for individuals with whom I feel a deep attraction and "chemistry" with and with whom I have developed a preliminary bond. I also prefer to have developed (or at least forsee developing) a meaningful bond with them.
I only know of one way to resolve that conflict. To take a view of "sex" as a 'complimenting' vs 'dependent' part of a bond/relationship.
I'm sorry but I am not seeing an inherant conflict here. The OP said that they choose to reserve their sexual interaction to those with whom they feel a chemistry and feel a bond - how is this a conflict? It sounds like a personal choice to me, and one that should be recognised and respected by all.

It might well be a conflict for some, but it seems like a legitimate lovestyle choice to me.

The 'driving force' as you mention above - i.e. helping people out and taking pleasure that - based on the previous quote apparently does not (or didn't) apply to sexuality.
To me, it's a desire to help someone out and gain pleasure from their pleasure. This does not include being forced or coerced to cast aside ones boundaries and choices in order to make the other happy.

Now, of course, none of us were there, so we don't know the dynamic of the communication that went on before this took place. We don't know whether boundaries were clearly laid-out - we just know that something happened such that afterwards, the OP feels that the boundaries got crossed and doesn't feel good about it.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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