Well that was fast!
So here I am. single. Some shit just aint ever gonna work out, and the sooner you move on the happier you get.
Me? I'm slow.
God damn but I seem to suck at relationships. I'm in a place where other then being a good man, a great lay and having an odd sense of humor, I just don't have anything else to offer right now. How someone who's done as much living loving and laughing as I have over the years finds himself in my current position...is pissing me off.
Why, you may ask?
Simple. I made the choices that lead me to my current state of affairs, and it's hard not to look back and think, I was so fucking close to having what I thought I always wanted, only to find out It just wasn't who I am.
So now Here I is, Pretty happy today for the most part, but still struggling with the "what ifs, and "if only" state of mind.
My cat Charlie doesn't seem to care what my mood is and just loves me anyway. I think it's the belly rubs and tuna I give him everyday, but sometimes I wonder if the little bastard isn't just showing off his Yoda like ability to go with the flow.
I've gone from poly to mono to single, since this little adventure began and I'm taking break from any and all forms of serious relationships.
I needed time to heal, mentally physically and spiritually from my divorce and instead jumped right into another relationship with no less then a tantric sexalogical body worker, who was right in the middle of her own break up story. A match made in the land of OZ. where no matter what you think, it's gonna end in a bizarre and unforgettable way. I'm trying to close it off with love and kindness, but I'm getting tired of being used as a punching bag for anthers choices.
I made a ton of mistakes, the biggest one was not truly looking at my life and allowing my spirit to heal. A 20 yr marriage carries alot of cleaning up to do to be involved with someone else so soon. 14 months, 6 of bliss, 4 of horror and the rest spent saying goodbye.
The sex was awesome, she really did and does love me, but I'm just to fucking much of an agent of chaos for anyone to love right now. Maybe always will be.
I'll always love RO, Always. But I'm not just the wrong kinda guy for a woman who needs stability and a semblance of order in her life.
I have however attended cuddle parties, pujas and other related events, which have helped me see that I'm not really the prick I thought I was. Well mostly.
I've tried dating and I am so not ready. POly Mono or sex with aliens are just waaaaaay to much of a distraction for me.
On the bright side, I am a fully qualified EMR, still damn good looking, and not dead.
That's gotta count for something right?
Freetime. All the time. Every time.