View Single Post
  #2  
Old 05-27-2013, 09:19 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,207
Default

Hi and welcome!

I'm really curious about your situation, as it sounds sort of (but not exactly) like my poly ideal. I am a straight woman, too, and have often joked that I want "four boyfriends." I fantasize about that sometimes, so I hope you don't mind my asking some questions about how it all works for you!

So, I am a little confused. You say you have two primaries, but then stated that your primary relationship (singular) is approaching five years. So, what about your other primary? How long have you been with him?

Then you have two additional boyfriends you did not refer to as primary. Do you consider them as secondaries, or FWB, or... how? So, which of the men are also poly - your primaries, or non-primaries? Have the mono men found it challenging to be in a poly/mono situation? Has their mono-ness been a challenge for you? How did you meet all of them? I'm really curious about the non-primary guys and how they accepted your poly life!

Are any of you legally married? You have kids, but I am assuming that their father(s) are not any of your current loves? Is it that you live with one of your loves now, and would like another or all of them to move in, or are you living alone with your kids at present? How do you work out the time you spend with each partner (as in frequency, chunks of time, special occasions, holidays, and so on)?

As for myself, of one thing I am certain -- I wouldn't want to live with any of my four fantasy lovers. I would want to stay independent and not cohabit with anyone, but I would want at least two of my lovers to see me fairly regularly, like one to two times per week. They could stay over here or I would stay over at their places. And then I would have the others whom I'd see less often, but maintain regular contact. I'd love to have a long-distance lover with whom I would travel a few times a year, for adventure trips, exploring other cities, things like that.

I can understand how it would be harder to meet a woman you would want to live with - there is a member here who has often said she doesn't want any other women fucking with her decor and interior design that she loves. LOL!!! It always makes me chuckle when she mentions that because I'd bethat way about the artwork I have around. I am so picky about what goes on my walls. But, anyway, it may just be that your poly men tend to attract women who are just not into the whole "poly tribe/communal living" sort of thing, like me. I like keeping my relationships separate.

Looking forward to hearing more from you - I hope I didn't ask too many questions!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 05-27-2013 at 09:22 PM.
Reply With Quote