I've mentioned here, very briefly, that Clay has done sex work before. I didn't ask him much about it at first.
Izzy, the partner he's been with the longest, has been an escort for five years. I was totally cool with that in theory, but when Clay brought up the possibility of us going barrier-free at some point, my immediate reaction (not that I said it to him in this way, exactly...) was "NO WAY I WILL GET ALL THE DISEASES BECAUSE OF IZZY." So then, in an attempt to be the rational, non-prejudiced person I like to imagine myself to be, I had to slowly back off from that reaction and examine it objectively. I still don't know if I'll choose to go barrier-free with Clay or not, and don't feel rushed about the decision, but I've done a lot of reading and learned a LOT about STI transmission rates, it's been very interesting.
I've also had to confront some prejudice that I didn't know I had. When I thought about Izzy's work more deeply, really imagined her with her clients, I had some icky feelings. I've been attempting to understand more about her line of work in order to see how much of those feelings have anything at all to do with my real beliefs, and how many are just lingering prejudices that come from being raised in a society that paints sex workers as disposable, dumb, damaged, disease-ridden jokes. I've been reading blogs written by escorts, and finding great resources like this video -- it's SO GOOD, if you're at all interested in this topic I highly recommend it -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=FTdBXLCo1Qk
I've slowly felt the vast majority of those icky feelings sloughing off, it's been nice. It's still not an occupation I would choose for myself, but, then, there are LOTS of jobs that I wouldn't choose to do if I had other options available.
I told Clay about the reading I'd been doing, and it prompted a larger conversation. He told me more about the sex work he'd done -- very occasional pro-dom stuff, involving some sexual activity, all for one particular male client. An odd-job that he'd stumbled into, basically, one that he found taxing but not entirely un-enjoyable, and that paid very well. The last time he'd seen the guy was in the fall, many months before we'd met.
Well, as it happens, Mr. Client contacted him again just the other day. And he's going to make the appointment. So, I'm now no longer dating a former sex worker who also dates a sex worker, I'm actually dating an active sex worker (if one who only works every once in a great while).
I'm really, really, really, really glad I did all of that reading and working on my thoughts and feelings before Mr. Client got back in touch. 0_0
I'm curious to see how much he'll want to tell me about the appointment.
What I need to know afterwards -- if he's ok.
What I want to know afterwards -- every single detail.
The ideal amount of information for me to know afterwards -- whatever he wants to share.