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Old 05-27-2013, 06:44 AM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I appreciate that Karma and pixi respected your brother's wishes in what to expose his child too.

Why do your brother and his wife want you, Karma, and pixi involved in this discussion with their daughter? I know you said so she sees you're all on the same page, but what exactly does that mean? You're all on the same page in what way? In that you all agree as to what's going on or what this arrangement is or what to call it? That all the adults involved agree to it or approve of it?

I'll be honest, I see what to tell her as really something her parents ought to be deciding. But why not simply say, "She's a good friend?" It's not really important to a 4 year old to know that she's his 'girlfriend.'
Pixi won't be there, it will be my brother and his wife and Karma and I. For my brother and I it's because there were always a lot of secrets in our family. There was a lot of don't tell so and so this, or things that were blatantly obvious but never discussed. It left us very confused and with a lot of wounds to heal as adults. We agreed early on that we would never raise our kids that way and if there was a family matter to be discussed then the whole of those involved would be there. Due to logistics of place and time, Pixi won't be involved in the discussion, but I imagine she will be for future questions or conversations.

It's also because poly is something they have only experienced through us and they want to make sure she knows that we're available to her for questions.

If she were at a true 4 yr old level I'd agree that just telling her Pixi is a good friend would be fine. But she's already putting pieces together and they want to give her facts not leave it up to assumption. A lot of that comes from how we were raised. We had an 'aunt' that lived with our parents from before I was born until I was in 5th grade. There's been plenty of speculation on our parts but no actual answers to our questions. We don't want the kids growing up and questioning things and feeling like they can't ask questions about it.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
When I was little and used to visit my great-grandparents, I was told that the man who lived with them was a "family friend" or sometimes their "boarder" (he slept in the second bedroom). I didn't find out until I was in my 30s that he was my great-grandmother's boyfriend, after one of my grandmother's cousins told me. Then a lot of things clicked in place in my mind! But I know that I never thought anything strange about them all living together when I was a kid, and no one in my immediate family made it out to be anything weird to us, so we just never paid the situation any mind. This was back in the mid- through late-1960s, btw.
That's actually pretty close to how our 'aunt' mentioned above was. My brother and I have always speculated though. For as long as I can remember we would have talks about it, but any time we got up the courage to ask we were never given a straight answer. To this day we only have speculation and a few old letters from when my dad was stationed out of state, to go on. We really don't want the kids to live in that speculation question limbo. We'd rather be up front with them.(this goes for my brother and his wife as well as karma and I)

Originally Posted by polywindsor View Post
I tend to agree with most of the answers on here. I have explained to my neice and nephews and even to my own children that I love both of my partners equaly just as they love grandma and papa equally and that with out my family ( including the people I love) I wouldn't be whole. Just because your religions are different doesn't mean both don't have the concept of family being close and loving. If you make it about that rather then religious views it should help keep her turmoil of good and bad; right and wrong out of her young mind. Perhaps if you explain it similar to a pet (ie they wernt born into the family but you love them and they you and therefor they are apart of the family)n thus also negating the need to discus sex with a 4 year old. Noone can tell you what's right and wrong so maybe just decide to go with her parents tell her, answer questions honnestly but simply. I hope these suggestions help.
You're absolutely right on the religion front and I really like how you presented it. The religion aspect has been a hang up for all of us. They want and encourage us to be honest with the kids about our religious differences and hope to use that to instill in them the importance of acceptance and having an open mind. But in the same vein they also want to make sure the kids understand that it's not something their religion believes in. I want to respect their beliefs and the beliefs they are raising the kids in simply because that's who I am, but also because they have been so supportive and accepting I want to do the same in return. Your explanation will definitely help with that. Thank you.
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