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Old 05-27-2013, 04:37 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 391

nycindie - yup, I agree that I don't owe anyone an explanation. That is indeed good to remember. Being open about relationships is a political stance for me, I think. I like the idea of being "out" because I dislike how default assumptions reinforce the idea of what is 'normal' and mask the real diversity around us, enabling these stereotypes of normalcy to continue. This can be harmful when it contributes to 'abnormal' people being judged, or feeling isolated/confused about why they aren't like everyone else. So, broadly, the more people doing poly in public the better (I reckon). Now, I just need to stop myself from over-sharing awkwardly... I like how your suggestion kept it simple. If I can't get an nycindie-brain hotline then I'll just have to practice, I guess!

Visit from Grotto a couple of weekends ago was... a relief. We talked, fucked, walked, and held each other. Surgically removed a surprising amount of emotional shrapnel that I'd allowed to sit inside me, which over time had begun to fester. A big lesson for me: I need to name my worries and fears when they're small niggles. Definitely not wait for them to grow up to be giant ulcers.

Grotto's mostly fun relationship with Bijou, which fired up again around the same time as me moving away, was certaintly a catalyst for all this shit coming out. Forced me to admit to a lot of unresolved issues I had with Grotto, forced me to face up to my interior ghouls. It was painful for a while there, but I feel I've come through the worst of it. Re-energized, proud, strong.

I've grown.

Now I'm speaking up about my needs and desires much more. I'm telling Grotto when I feel upset, as soon as I'm feeling it. That's the way he communicates; he never lets anything build up. I still do sometimes need time for processing through emotions by myself, but I see the benefit of talking sooner rather than later when something's bothering me.

Also, he shared with me an idea he's had for awhile, for building up special savings for your kids. Putting $50 a week aside to offer to a child when they grow up, say, when they turn 18, for something like overseas travel or higher study. I really liked that idea, and it was touching to hear that he'd been thinking that way.

So we've decided to start saving this way together, each contributing $50 a week, starting with our next pay. Not sure if we're actually open to having kids in the future, as we're still in the logistics stage. But: exciting! This is our first shared financial commitment together, beyond sharing the cost of very short-term things like holidays. If it turns out we can't use it for kids, we can think of something else, or worst case simply divide the saved money between us (as we've got equal contributions).

Other relationships are well. A year since Djuna and I got together, although given the poly and LDR it's probably more equivalent to a month in in-each-other's-pockets monogamous years.

Plinth is good. I miss his body, which pleases me. Bodes well, I reckon.

Ocean's here on Thursday for a week. Fuck yes.
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