There are threads here on coming out, look around. It's different for everyone. I think it must be especially hard for you since you're married to her bf, but her peeps think she's his gf and you're just a roommate! Weird! Don't you and he wear rings?
It is tricky when you're out and proud and one of your partners isn't. How long has she been your/yr husband's gf? How long did you date before moving in together?
I am sorry she is not giving you enough romantic alone time. That's the thing with triads, sometimes one person won't be interested much in one of their 2 partners.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years