Originally Posted by aleshko1980
Hi to all.
I writting here because I need an advice. Let me explain my situation first. Me and my wife have one kid (boy). I also have a GF with her's kid from previous relationship. We are currently in triad but living separately. My boy is 11 years old, my GF's is 4 years old. My GF visits us 2-3times a week. We are currently planning for her to move with us.
How do I approach and tell my boy (11) the situation? Because he is already in his teens years and he will soon realize that my GF is not just our "family friend". Is it wise to tell him oppenly?
And for the last...how to I approach to the little one (4)? He is too young to be able to understand.
Thanks for your answers.
A few things which are important (I think) to think about before moving in:
(not meaning that you shouldn't move in, but meaning that these things should be clear between the adults before moving in)
1. Educating your kids. This might be different for the 4 year old and the 11 year old. But, how authority does the GF have over the 11 year old? Can she discipline, does she have the authority to say that he has to do his homework for example, etc.
2. Are you all on the same page as to how the kids (especially the 4 year old, since they need the most continuity) are to be educated?
3. What are the rules of the house, for both the adults and the kids?
4. How are the sleeping arrangements. Will there be any difference for the kids? Will he suddenly have to share a room?
Once you have these things (and I'm sure I'm forgetting some) clear, you can sit the 11 year old down and talk about the fact that there are different forms of relationships, and how much you all love GF.
I personally would ask him how he feels about her moving in. Have him have a say, and give him plenty of time to get used to the idea. If he has concerns, address them as if they are important (which they are!).
One of the things that you could do before moving in, is taking a family holiday together (if you haven't already). That way you can see where the issues are going to be, how you guys work together on a day to day basis, etc.
For the 4 year old I don't think that it is your job to tell her, but it is your GFs.
I would suggest just saying something simple as "we are going to live with X and X, how fun is that!". And leave it at that. Once she gets older she will be used to the situation already and it is easier to explain how and what to her.
Good luck, and congrats on the decision to move in together! If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been together?