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Old 05-26-2013, 06:58 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Well, first you tell him that threesomes are not an option - you don't want them, so he should not expect that. You have every right to control how and with whom you share your body sexually. If he has a problem with it, it isn't his job to police you just so he can feel better. It's his job to examine and manage his feelings about it.

You are your own person and it is your life. He wouldn't dictate to you when you can go shopping or have lunch with friends, would he? So why does he think he can tell you when you can and cannot see your other bf? He isn't your boss or father. It is important that he realize that the only ones who have a say about any relationship between two people are the two people in that relationship. Your LD bf doesn't get to dictate what you do and when you see your local bf. He should only focus on managing his own relationship with you, NOT your other relationships with anyone else.

So, you make your schedule with whomever you wish, as you see fit, and let each of them know when you're available to be with them, but you don't need to go asking for permission like a child. So, as far as boundaries, what I would tell him is that how you spend your time is up to you but you will let him know when you have time for him - if you want to you can keep a Google calendar and let him see times you are free.

Now, you didn't say how soon he will be moving in with you, but I wonder if he thought that opening your relationship was only a temporary thing you wanted until you live with him. If that is the case, make sure he's clear that you want this going forward. I think what you said in your post and especially the last paragraph is something you can just express directly to him: "We opened up our relationship and it's been going well. I want it to continue to go well. For that, we both need to manage all our relationships in ways that make each of those relationships thrive. If we're going to be living again together, there will certainly be times where one of us leaves the other to spend time with another person. I know these can be tricky waters to navigate, so I want you to figure out what your boundaries are and tell me, and I will tell you mine, so we can discuss where we might need to compromise."

And the you will just have a lot of talking to do! But I think what's most important is that it be clear that each of you will make every effort to respect each other, but that does not mean that you give up the right to make your own choices about your other relationships.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 05-26-2013 at 07:01 AM.
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