Originally Posted by MrMom
She believes that she needs another outlet because things are so hard on all of us right now. And I'm trying to believe that her not getting what she's needed is a result of the drama in the other areas of our lives, and that if we can get some stability then I could provide her what she's been missing.
So, if you won the lottery or got 3 wishes and all the other stresses in your life were magically fixed, then she wouldn't be in love with this other guy anymore?
That doesn't quite sit right with me. I'd suspect that when she's with you, she has to deal with money problems, job issues, the sick kid, the dirty dishes, and all that other crap, but when she's with him, she can focus on the fun stuff and forget about everything else...and if he was part of your household, and she had to deal with all the stressful stuff with him, and he'd babysit so that you could go have a romantic getaway at a bed and breakfast- then you'd be giving her what she's been missing. (Of course, that'd be with the other guy assisting with stability, which is one of the advantages of poly that people don't always think about.)
I'd be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn't exactly plan it- more like she got in touch with him, made plans to get together with him, and was going to tell you, but then she got stuck working late, and the kid was sick, and the electricity was going to get shut off, and she just didn't find a good time to mention it....and then she got together with him, and the chemistry was still there, and she was going to tell you, but with all the crap you deal with everyday, there just wasn't a good time without the kids around to bring it up....and then she got together with him again and things happened, and that made it even harder to find a good time to tell you....And if she's anything like me, it was a horrible weight to bear, and she felt like crap every time she could have told you but didn't, even if it didn't involve actual lying. I can't keep a secret like that without much stress and wangst, I'd be trying to find some way to tell, bringing up things that were related to it in hopes of somehow easing into it instead of just blurting it out.