That's kind of how we play it too Full Of Love. We're already getting a lot better at it. I can feel a big difference coming from me. Nisha notices it too, she told me just yesterday that I'm expressing my self and my emotions a lot better these days, without going into denial or into a fight. I think she too had become a lot better at listening to what I have to say and not take everything personally. It's definitely a two way street! It feels so good when things go like this.
Today I woke up a little annoyed though. Lately, Nisha has had a rough time at work. She's overloaded and OTing all the time. In Singapore, OT is just a way of life, you don't even get paid extra for it. The last two/three weeks have been hard on her and she's had to bring her work home, sometimes staying up till two in the morning to finish a project which she doesn't even like working on in the first place.
So lately, there's no mood for sex obviously. And I've been craving pretty bad. I think I have a big sex drive, and I'm not sure if Nisha's is the same. I'm up for it anytime, anywhere, any how. But I know Nisha's under a lot of stress and I won't make her do anything she's not in the mood for. But even if it isn't sex, we hardly spend any awake time in bed at all. I'm usually asleep before she gets to bed, and she wakes up earlier than me normally. But yesterday and the day before, she didn't need to get any work done! And I thought we could, you know, make sexy time. But she was on her computer, playing video games!
Today morning I woke up alone in bed again. The difference is today is a holiday, we don't have any work to go to. So I thought I'd find her by my side when I woke up, she wasn't there. She was out at the breakfast table having a coffee and watching videos on YouTube. AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO WANTS SEX?
I suddenly found myself missing Greta a little, because she is quite the cuddly one. I feel bad for missing her but I can't deny that I did. On one hand I'm thinking Greta probably did a lot of things out of ignorance herself, and I wonder if we should forgive her instead of cutting her off. On the other, she's never really been ok with Nisha and treated her pretty badly when we were in Berlin, I don't want anyone like that in our lives.
I haven't told Nisha about how I felt yet, I'm not really sure how I feel myself. I'm not sure how Nisha would react if I told her I missed Greta in the morning, because Greta would have still been in bed when I woke up. But I only missed Greta because Nisha wasn't there... so where does it all begin?
Maybe I am poly because I need a lot of attention, more than one person can possibly give. But maybe I can't give that much attention back? I don't know. Am I wrong? Am I being greedy and selfish? These questions must have been lurking in the back of my mind, now they've come up and given me a lot to think about...