Originally Posted by Cleo
There's a big difference though in 'exchanging important information' and 'sharing every detail'.
him: 'I'm a bit stressed, I just had a fight with X. Sorry if I'm a little absent minded. I might have to call her later and talk some more and see if we can work it out'
you: 'ok honey, sorry you're stressed. If you want to discuss it I'm here, but for now shall I just make you a cup of tea?'
as opposed to him telling you every little detail of his fight with her and you asking for even more details. And the 2 of you probably ending up in a fight yourselves, because fights are so private and personal, when you hear about fights with other people it tends to bring up your own insecurities and hidden fears - been there done that way too many times!
him, to X: 'sorry but I have to cancel our date. Ssandra isn't feeling too well and I'm a bit worried, and want to stay home and keep an eye on her'
X (knowing and trusting he would only cancel if he had a really good reason): 'ok, I'm sorry, I was looking forward to seeing you, but I'm sorry she's not well. Say hi to her and call me when you want to reschedule ok?'
as opposed to:
him, to X: 'Ssandra just threw up and there's vomit all over the floor and I have to go and clean it up and she's crying now because she's ashamed of the mess and I have to go comfort her and God knows if this was the last time for tonight so yeah I have to cancel our date'.
X: 'uhmm.... I did NOT really need to know all that'.
And that ^ is why I asked.
In our V, we all live together, so there is (obviously) a lot of shared knowledge. If one of us is really sick for instance, everyone knows.
However-there is A LOT that is not shared knowledge-including WHEN or HOW we have sex, what we do on a date, where we go, when we send texts or emails and what is in them.. I'm sure I could make a list a mile long.
It's not that there are secrets.
In fact, if a question is asked-we are all prone to just answer it even if we think it was rude.
HOWEVER-we came to that point because we all respect that each relationship (mine with Maca, Mine with GG, GG's with Maca) are INDIVIDUAL and each has personal, private details that are ours alone. Furthermore, we alone as a duo are the only people with a right to decide WHAT we define as personal, private details.
So for example: Maca and I decide what we feel is personal and private.
GG and I decide what we feel is personal and private.
we don't owe an explanation to the other party.
IF GG doesn't want me to talk to anyone (including Maca) about his snoring-then it's none of Maca's business. EVEN IF Maca doesn't think it's a big deal or particularly personal.
Likewise if Maca doesn't want me to talk about his favorite color to anyone, no one else gets to insist that it isn't "really" a personal question.