I started BDSM when I was 17. I spent from 18 - 22 being classically trained as a sub, then a dom (you have to know what your sub is experiencing to be able to understand what they need from you).
When my son was born, the BDSM went out the window. We have never lived in a large place and sometimes BDSM play can get loud. We put everything into storage (thousands worth of equipment). It got stolen. We couldn't afford to replace it, so even when our son got older and started doing sleep overs we didn't have anything more than what was creative or homemade.
When taxes came back this year, we knew it was time to reinvest in a few good thumpers, stingers, suction cups, wartenburg wheel etc. We have gotten to play a few times but have been rebuilding our confidence back to where it was years ago (Our son is almost 9, plus pregnancy so almost 10 years).
My new bf found a few of my toys floating around and was curious. I tried a 20 minute scene with him and was very gentle and he seemed apprehensive at first but really enjoyed it. We have only gently played a few times, but he likes it more every time and I introduce him to new things slowly. I was a little worried, because for years now, my husband has not been able to put me in "sub space".
A week into our relationship, something about my new bf triggered it and this was how he found out about me when it came to this. He found a way to pull me out before I sank into it because I was not comfortable since we were so new.
The hubby is uncomfortable about him being a dom until he is properly trained. I agree completely. Also, it will help my hubbys confidence if he can put me in sub space again first. I think because of how important and instrumental it was in our developing relationship, he has to know he can still take me there before my bf does.
I can answer most of your BDSM questions. The others will need to fill you in on how that works in their poly life. I am still exploring.
LadySFI- me; Pansexual, Heteromantic, Poly. "Open, but not looking".
C-Boyfriend - Pansexual, Heteromantic, Poly. "Open, but not looking".
Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important than fear. -Ambrose Redmoon