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Old 05-23-2013, 10:57 AM
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leelee22 leelee22 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Great white north
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Had the conversation with the ex... going to need to have another one, or a series of them.

It was lovely to see him, and he was very interested in hearing about all the things I'd read and learned about polyamory (neither of us had done any of this reading and learning before our relationship). He was interested in hearing about all the models of open/poly relationships and the differences between them and my preferences.

He tells me that his GF was NOT delighted that he and I had broken up... she had a kind of non-reaction. He feels that their relationship is "getting worse" again, because he's not happy.

He considers that the biggest challenge for him is that when it comes to their relationship being open, there is "nothing in it for her". She is mono, straight, and close to asexual.

I told him that I had come to the realization that poly cannot work unless EACH person (not just the members of the open couple) is getting all their needs met, or at least working toward that. We tried to talk through what each person's needs are... mine, his, and hers, and what the "ideal world" would be for each of the three.

The stumbling block is always that HER ideal world is: for him to hurry up and get older and grow out of his libido, so that she doesn't need to have sex with him AND he doesn't need male and female partners.

One thing he said toward the end that was interesting was that he was sad that I walked away at a time when he felt that our relationship was "progressing". Whereas, having been told their terms and what was permitted, my view of our relationship was that there was no potential for any kind of progression -- i saw it as a dead-end street. But he was hoping he'd be able to convince his GF to loosen her rules as he demonstrated, over time, that her trust in him (and me) was justified.

I would like to talk with him some more.
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