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Old 05-23-2013, 10:40 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
Not sharing anything is impossible and not healthy in my opinion, since we already share the same guy...

If she is fighting with him, I'd like to know why he is so stressed. That's sharing.

If he needs to stay at home with me because of medical issues, it is good for her to know why he is cancelling. That is sharing.
There's a big difference though in 'exchanging important information' and 'sharing every detail'.

him: 'I'm a bit stressed, I just had a fight with X. Sorry if I'm a little absent minded. I might have to call her later and talk some more and see if we can work it out'
you: 'ok honey, sorry you're stressed. If you want to discuss it I'm here, but for now shall I just make you a cup of tea?'

as opposed to him telling you every little detail of his fight with her and you asking for even more details. And the 2 of you probably ending up in a fight yourselves, because fights are so private and personal, when you hear about fights with other people it tends to bring up your own insecurities and hidden fears - been there done that way too many times!

him, to X: 'sorry but I have to cancel our date. Ssandra isn't feeling too well and I'm a bit worried, and want to stay home and keep an eye on her'
X (knowing and trusting he would only cancel if he had a really good reason): 'ok, I'm sorry, I was looking forward to seeing you, but I'm sorry she's not well. Say hi to her and call me when you want to reschedule ok?'

as opposed to:
him, to X: 'Ssandra just threw up and there's vomit all over the floor and I have to go and clean it up and she's crying now because she's ashamed of the mess and I have to go comfort her and God knows if this was the last time for tonight so yeah I have to cancel our date'.
X: 'uhmm.... I did NOT really need to know all that'.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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