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Old 05-22-2013, 10:50 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeystyle View Post
I had to pause a few times before submitting the below. But, having seen this type of thing play out so very often in these forums, I'd like to give you the courtesy of honesty without sugar coating (which I think you occasionally get from others too concerned about offending you, or who desire to be agreeable).
No worries. I can take it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeystyle View Post
So I read a good deal of it (skimmed really) and while I can see many spots where Mono avoids talking to you, I don't actually see a 'cheating' partner. At least as far as I can tell without reading a complete volume. I see lots of repeating lines of text about you being negatively emotional about him, frankly. Which is all well and good, but what he actually did (not what he thought about or didn't want to discuss, or felt but didn't convey) to earn such a response I don't understand. Mono did not strike me as a cheater, but more so someone who didn't articulate inner change very well. Cautiously silent. Avoids hurting others, but not a malevolent cheating prick like a lot of other fools who come and go on this site.
Well, he used to be. he had an affair on his wife for two years before he got booted out. You are right though. He is trying to set a different course and I can give him full credit for that. I have no idea what happened with the women/woman he saw. He said nothing, but there is stuff that doesn't add up. No matter. Its water under the bridge and he is working hard to find a new path.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeystyle View Post
I get that he talked to someone, developed feelings, and didn't want to talk to you about it. That's out in the open. You know what you need to know. You're not in control of him, or her. And if they go for it and fall in love, you're likely not going to play well with her being part of it. And she probably knows that, if she's intelligent (I assume she's not stupid). Too late to stop it now though. You know that, right?
Too late to stop it. Yes. If its not her is would be someone else and really, I know her and she knows me. At least a bit through the groups I run and through mutual friends. Hell, we went to Vegas together for our friends wedding! At least she is not a stranger and I can "get" her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeystyle View Post
Anyway, it seems like aside from this he's done a pretty good job being there for you, your family, and trying to hold on while you live your life full steam with him, and without him. Being one of a quartet (or quintet) of relationship options did not make him flee (which is pretty cool, actually). What's going on now, if you're remotely conveying a continuing streak of distrust and paranoia, coupled with his avoidances and bunker mentality with problems (and new person to turn to if he wants to), if you're continually showing even a third of the feelings you write about in here....well the outlook is not good, RP. Both of you are making the future easily predictable.
Please remember that this is my rant place. I do have moments where I get my feet on the ground and make some headway into a better frame of mind. Please remember too that most of what you have read has been from two weeks after I found out about a whole bunch of stuff and its fresh. I was in the thick of paranoia, fear, threat, abandonment issues up the yin yang and had every right to be. I am working hard here. Harder than I perhaps come off. Really, if I am not here ranting then I likely am doing better than I seem to when I am ranting here.
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