FTR, I don't read you as a control freak or obsessive at all. And you're allowed to ramble here, on your own damn blog! BoringGuy can be annoying sometimes, but he means well.
I had to go back and reread to remember how long your h and the gf have been a thing. Just a few weeks? But friends for 3 years.
Many of us poly people can't wrap our minds around sex with no feelings allowed, that swinger mentality. For me, the more feelings there are, the better the sex is. Sex with strangers, and keeping them at arm's length or dumping them outright when you start to become "too" fond, seems so anti-intuitive.
Anyway! That is in your husband's past now. Now for the first time, he's having sex with someone he cares deeply about (besides you) and he's head over heels in NRE, yet you're on bedrest and must have been having pre term labor, to not be allowed to have sex yourself?
That sucks. You're getting a taste early of how parenting is when you're sleep deprived and touched out by baby's needs and sex is the last thing on your mind. Sleep and a decent meal, even a drink of water or 2 minutes alone on the toilet came before sex in my world when I had 3 kids in 5 years!
But your h now has this new gf and he's having all this FUN while you're in bed alone! Yuck! No wonder you want him and gf to come hang out! You must be lonely!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 60) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 38) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (monogamish, 42, M) since Oct 2015
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years