Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 05-22-2013, 01:19 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 909

First, I want to send out prayers to those who live in Oklahoma. What a devastating storm and so many lives were lost. My prayers and thoughts are with each and every family. I was watching CNN, and it was truly heartbreaking. The local papers have been posting articles, and it is one heartbreaking thing after another. As a mum, it bothers me even more when young lives are lost. It is terribly sad, and it is in my thoughts.

Happier news. My best friend, Brit, came in to town last night, and I have never been so happy to see her. Matt was okay with her staying the night. She is off to Bournemouth for the next few days, and he is big on hospitality, so he was more than on board with her staying over and not wasting money on a hotel. I do not envy her schedule one bit. She is a business traveller, and I am proud of her. She can have all the travelling, though. I have literally seen her in London every week of this month. I respect her a great deal. She works in a male dominated field, and she is a force to be reckoned with. Smart, classy, and she can hold her own. Those are the kind of people I keep around me.

Yesterday was much better than Monday. My child has been working on my last nerve. I posted a Facebook status about that. She has been having these bloody temper tantrums and fits over every single thing. It has been driving me positively batty, so my fuse is considerably short. I do not believe in spanking children, but we might need to reconsider that. Time out and taking toys away is not something I believe will never work. My parents never physically disciplined me, and I turned out just fine. Children of this generation are cut of a different cloth. I had to get away from her. Her tantrums and my attitude made for a lethal cocktail. Poor Matt was caught between a tantrum throwing child and a hormonal wife. When he left, it was peaceful. What he returned to Monday night was the opposite. I dread the teenage years if I am already experiencing hell in the form of my mini me. I will nip it in the bud. I will not stand for a child going toe to toe with me and pushing my buttons. Last time I checked, I brought her into this world, and I am running this until she turns 18. End of story.

Things are surprisingly great with Matt. It seems like a few days away from Wackylandia has done him wonders. We talked about the things we needed to discuss yesterday morning over breakfast and finished over lunch. By dinner, everything was out of the way. He got home before me, and he had started on dinner and was working on folding and putting up laundry. Imagine my surprise. A clean home, no chores, and a home cooked meal? I felt like I stepped into the Twilight Zone.

Our lives have some semblance of normalcy. We have not had a single argument since the parenting issue was resolved. She has transitioned into the role of an aunt. All decisions will be made by the two of us. Like any family and most parents, we will weigh and consider opinions from loved ones. Pushing Matt to accept her as another parent would have ended badly. Sometimes you have to know when to concede and admit defeat. At least with this way, she can still be involved in their lives. He wants to control how much, but he has said that is strictly because he does not trust her after what happened in March/April. He does not want to give her the chance to hurt our children again. Matt's forgiveness is not going to come overnight.

We talked every day he was gone. It was not like the last time where I was wondering if he was okay and all of that. He actually initiated contact in some form every day. It was a shock to my system when I would pick up my phablet and see text messages from him. He is not questioning my every move now. He still asks questions, but it is not like 10 rounds of 50 questions a piece. I feel like he trusts me more than now he has over the past few weeks. I am trying to master the art of transparency. I dislike being vulnerable. I still consider it a sign of weakness. I am improving every day. Necessary evil that I must grin and bear. I told him about everything that happened while he was gone, and he appreciated my honesty. I earned a few levels of trust back just by being honest. There might be something to this full disclosure thing.

After we had dinner last night, he took our children to see their godparents. I went and got a mani/pedi and some bubble tea with Si. It was nice to see her and spend some time with her. I went home after to help get our children ready for bed. Once they were tucked in, I left for Heathrow. Her flight was a little late, so I made it in time. She wanted to grab a bite to eat, so we stopped by my house to drop off her luggage and parked the car. We walked to the restaurant, since it was literally right around the corner. The weather was decent, and I enjoy something like fresh air every so often. We stayed for about an hour. She was tipsy by the time we left. I told her to be careful with the drinks and experimenting with all the different kinds of rum. Rookie mistake at Cotton's. I made sure she got in the bed safely.

We got in a bit before 12. Matt was still up and watching the telly and on his laptop. I made sure Brit got to bed okay, and I took a shower. I snuggled up to Matt. We talked, watched Total Wipeout, made love, and he went to sleep. Not it is past 2 AM, and I am sitting here bright eyed and bushy tailed. I am tickled by Total Wipeout.

Our holiday is coming up in a bit over a week. From 31/5-9/6, I will be off work and 16km away. That is the longest amount of time I have taken off since I returned from maternity leave. I never take extended breaks. Even when I was travelling extensively, it was just a few days. I am looking forward to having uninterrupted time with my hubby. Our children will be close and with our parents. His parents are flying in to help them out for the week. We are still staying at separate hotels, and the only time we will all be together is for the viewing of our new home, dinner that Sunday evening, lunch on the following Saturday, a departure breakfast before we fly out on Sunday morning. They want us to focus on each other and our marriage. My MIL was like, "Between your parents and ourselves, we have more combined years of parenting than you and my son have been living in this world." Tis true. Our children will be in competent hands, and I will breath easier knowing that they are in the same city and not thousands of kilometres away. We are excited to have a week alone. No outside distractions is going to be a beautiful thing.

We will be meeting potential counsellors. We have six consultations scheduled over Sunday and Monday. I love that we did this as a team. He found three, and I found three. I am confident that one of them will be the one for us. We have been out of counselling for a few weeks, and even without counselling, our marriage is significantly healthier. Maybe because we are actually talking and getting along. We were left to our own devices, and I see growth and maturity.

I do not know what my poly future holds or if poly will fit under the new structure of my life, but at least I will know how to communicate and have a healthy relationship again. Outside of my marriage, I have a strengthening friendship with Si. She and I have set a checkpoint to evaluate how things are and possible steps that may need to be taken. That has removed a tremendous amount of pressure. I was racking my brain and trying to force myself to figure out what to do with her relationship wise. We have agreed to not discuss anything relationship wise until August-September. In the mean time, we are still going to continue discussing our feelings, testing the waters of full disclosure in our friendship, and enjoying what we have. I can live with that.

Our lives are finally getting to a sane place, and I am much happier. My husband is happier and finally relaxing. Si is happy. We are all working on our issues. Jointly and separately. They have not started attending counselling, but it is high up on the list post-move. We are preparing for the next chapters of our lives. Now, if I can only get my child on the right path.

I am off to finish watching this show and then, I am taking my bum to bed. 8:30 will be here before I know it. Good-night.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our (3.5) children.

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Last edited by FullofLove1052; 05-22-2013 at 11:01 AM.
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