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Old 01-21-2010, 12:25 AM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,902

I'm in agreement with those who say the wife should be willing to put this other relationship on hold (at least) until the trust and cheating stuff has been worked with and through.

On another point very different...

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
For what it's worth, I don't choose additional relationships because of things that might be "missing" or "lacking" in one relationship. Every relationship is whole for me and I wouldn't be getting into any relationship that was great in some ways but lacking in others. I find most poly relationships thrive if each relationship is whole and healthy. It would probably be a good idea to address that first.
What Ceoli says here is a nice ideal to shoot for, and it's worthy of much respect, but I would add that I think (my opinion) that very few people compliment one another in a totally complete sort of way. Most very good relationships, good and healthy relationships, involve and include both (or all three or four...) feeling as if there is some less than perfect connection or complementarity. As a good friend put it to me, we all have to do some "putting up with" in our relationships. Ideals make good targets, but are seldom realized in space and time (a.k.a., "the real world").

I love my partner tremendously, but there are ways we don't connect perfectly; we have our issues and troubles; but we love one another and -- yes our relationship is whole. But maybe he or I could meet some of our needs for intimacy, in part, by allowing others into the picture? I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't think it makes our love for one another less whole if we recognize that we're not a "perfect fit/match", that we're different, that our needs are slightly off-kilter because of our differences....

Last edited by River; 01-21-2010 at 12:27 AM.
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