Thanks for the great links on this thread.
My husband and I are learning to understand each other as well.
As Galagirl has mentioned in other threads, one of the hardest things is when a partner has assumptions about the marriage ('we're married so that's it, marriage means monogamous'), or like me, I am just finally realizing that I've always been non-monogamous and how to reconcile that with my marriage. My husband feels like I've sprung something on him, I think.
Right now, I just need my husband to understand me, but that doesn't mean I need to act on it.
The funny thing is, I'm not really any different than I ever have been, but the up front discussions and honesty about it makes him crazy!! Although he has never really been a jealous or insecure person in the past.
So a lot of what you're talking about resonates with me and all the discussion is helpful.