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Old 01-20-2010, 11:02 PM
StitchwitchD StitchwitchD is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 77

Originally Posted by MrMom View Post
Is she just using polyamory and the concept of an open marriage as a tool to enable her to stay with this person and not destroy our family? I feel as if she's not really interested in polyamory if she can't have this one particular individual.
Polyamory, like monogamy, is about relationships with particular individuals. So, her wanting to have a poly relationship with the 2 particular men who she loves, but lacking interest in just going out and finding random strangers to have poly relationships with is equivalent to you wanting to have a monogamous relationship with her, but not being interested in just going out and finding some random stranger to have a monogamous relationship with.

Originally Posted by MrMom View Post
I might be ok with us involving others in our sex life, but I don't think I'm OK with her having a separate life-partner where if I was out of the picture they'd probably end up getting married and having a monogamous life.
So, you'd be okay with swinging, but not poly to the degree of having a co-primary---but she has no interest in swinging and really wants poly...and offering her swinging when she wants poly is like offering her sushi when she wants chocolate cake.

You need to sit down and really talk about your wants, her wants, your fears, her fears, get everything out on the table--- I'm suspecting that there was already a breakdown in communication before the affair started, or she would have told you when she first got in touch with him, or at least when things started going past your boundaries. So, you need to get communication back on track, and set some boundaries at least while trust is being rebuilt.

(And maybe get to know this guy, if you can actually give him a fair shot after what happened. At least give him a chance to explain things to you from his point of view, find out his intentions, etc. )
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