I'm sorry afar. In my previous post I somehow missed the part where you posted an update about all the deceit and cheating that was going on.
That sounds horrible, I'm sending you hugs.
I know it must be terribly hard to rebuild trust in this situation, but if it is what you want to do for yourself and for your family, I hope you can.
I found this video (3 parts- third one is the best) very helpful in dealing with poly confusion, it is actually about cheating, so very relevant for your situation
If you don't watch, I'll just quote this one idea you might find comfort in: in the current prolonged life expectancy, it is probable we'll all have more than 1 meaningful, very-long-term relationship in our lifetime. Some of us would have these relationships with the same person. You could view your current situation as the beginning of a new relationship, "your second marriage" (she says it better in the video).
And it is Ok in my opinion to take some time off/away (physically) from your husband in order to regroup. Take care of yourself. Wishing you luck.