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Old 05-20-2013, 05:06 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,484

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I don't really get the question - I mean I understand it just fine. But on another level, I just don't get what is so wrong about being selfish. What I think people mean when they say someone is selfish is that the person is not doing something they want them to do, is not meeting their needs.
The idea of being selfish is kind of a broken concept in my opinion. People tend to pat themselves on the back so hard for "sacrificing" that they near throw their shoulder out. When really, what they call "sacrifice" is nothing of the sort, it is simply acting in accordance with their assessment of what is going to bring them the most pleasure and avoid the most discomfort. The idea that we can act outside of our own best interest is an odd thing to suggest.

Originally Posted by Marcus
Example: My boyfriend is dating another girl but I don't like it. I lay awake at night when he is with her and I weep until I can't feel my face. I don't say anything because I want him to be happy... look how much I'm sacrificing, aren't I awesome??
In this scenario I am simply doing what I perceive as being in my best interest. Putting up with the consequences of letting my boyfriend date this other girl is preferable to putting up with the consequences of trying to control him or just leaving him. I have not sacrificed anything, I have done exactly what I believe is in my best interest.

Personally I try to avoid thinking in terms of selfish versus sacrifice because both concepts seem so irrational to me. Our decisions are purely a result of our own risk assessment in an attempt to promote our own well-being.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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