T - the husband doesn't have an entirely super active sex drive. He understands that his wife is basically a lesbian, she is open enough to engage in sex with him but it is rare.. I too feel bad for him in this situation because I believe he should be wanted and appreciated.. My wife C and I are open to having sex with him, and we have, and have let him know that we are always open to it.. however he rarely initiates. He's been dealing with work stress that keeps him from being in the mood.
I believe if he needed to have his needs met, he would have them met by us.. however he hasn't really taken us up on the offer lately.. (like i said, work stress, winter blues, new baby = 2 months of this guy not wanting sex)
I'm H's primary sex partner, she also sleeps with my wife.. but it's rare because of C's work schedule.. (once every week to week and a half)
I sleep with both H and C primarily .. T I've kind of accepted that he isn't into sex right now.
There isn't really time to "DATE" - we spend a lot of time as a family.. family meals and game nights, drinks and cuddles after the kids go to bed. That part is hard.. being childless at the moment C and I would love to do more adult things like nice dinners and drinks out every once in a while.. but that's hard.
I'm trying to be more open about my needs. I'm trying to institute a monthly date night for the four of us. It's easy to pair off for dates so that someone is always home with the kids, but I think it's important for us to connect as adults in a space that isn't their beautiful home. I'm also trying to find a way to set up a date schedule.. even if its just an hour alone for a drink or a walk. We spend a lot of time at home.. due to the new baby
as for a calendar.. we have a shared family google calendar where we each put our work schedule/ social schedule so that we know when we are free to be together. This has worked out well, ending lots of confusion and lending a hand to scheduling in advance. I've heard of other couples with really intense schedules for alone time, family time, couple time.. that all seems so complicated.. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Originally Posted by Magdlyn
From here it seems to me you're caught up in NRE (new relationship energy) with H, love, lust, hormones. Yes, it's been 7 months. NRE generally lasts 6-18 months, so could still be in play.
You say you wish she wasn't dictated to by her kids, husband and the demands of her job. It's OK to wish things, but when one is poly, respect for the demands of life that someone has with her primary is very important. If you wish you had a less attached gf (maybe single, maybe with another partner, but not married, no kids, for example), you could go get one!
I feel badly for her husband... is he getting any sex at all? Is she a "lesbian," or bi enough to meet his sexual needs? Will there be some searching on his part for a bi or straight partner now? Or is he mono and harboring resentment?
How does this dynamic work? Who sees/shags/dates whom and when? With a triad plus several dyads going on here, plus 4 kids including a newborn, this seems incredibly complicated, and calender work highly important.