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Old 05-20-2013, 12:27 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zombiecupcake View Post
He's become very adamant that as long as him and I are doing well intimately and our relationship is solid, he feels comfortable with me finding a companion but at this time he has no desire to do the same.
Oka-a-a-ayyy... But to me that makes it sound like your relationship magically is or isn't solid all by itself, when it's up to you both to work on that, or that "doing well intimately" is going to be up to you. It sort of sounds like an ultimatum to me. I think you both need to talk about how that "well" and "solid" state is going to be maintained by both of you. Like, for instance, time management if and when you are out with someone else. How will he take care of his own well-being, and what would he expect from you? You both need to support each other in this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zombiecupcake View Post
He said he just doesn't want me bringing it up unless he asks (in regards to if I had a steady companion and who he/she is).
Well, I don't see how that's going to work. Especially because it isn't like you're just going to stand on a corner, announce to the world that you're poly, and then instantly find yourself in another "steady" relationship. For a start, there will be socializing to meet people, getting dressed up and ready to go out on dates, then being out with people for hours at a time, emotions to deal with whenever you're excited or disappointed about someone else, making time to communicate with your dates/lovers (texting, phone calls,etc.), issues about spending money to date others, and the process it takes to get to know someone and see if it's a relationship you want to invest in and take seriously - how can you keep all that to yourself?

DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell) policies really are impractical and don't actually do what they are meant to accomplish - which is basically for one person to put blinders on and pretend their partner isn't with anyone else. It's much better to step into this with knowledge and awareness, so that you all can deal with things as they come up. No, sharing details of what you do sexually is not necessary, but you should be able to freely talk about whatever is happening and who is important in your life. To restrict that is to squash you, and negate your autonomy as a human being.

Besides, he should be aware of what you are doing and where you are going, for safety reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by zombiecupcake View Post
I'm not really sure how to feel about it. Is this normal? Part of me is exciting he is being open to the idea but another part of me worries how he will be if I did find a companion. I know feelings will be brought to the surface. I guess I'm not sure how to proceed.
How to proceed is to just keep talking and eventually come up with guidelines.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-20-2013 at 12:34 PM.
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