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Old 05-20-2013, 10:55 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,538

Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
How many of you have been or are swingers? Were you swingers before you became poly? Or did you try swinging after you discovered you were a poly person?
Never been a swinger, and I can't even date an ex-swinger without feeling weird about it. I have no qualms about being with someone who has had an active sex life with many partners. It's just that the impression I get about swinging (from what I've been told) is that it's so-o-oo regimented and extremely measured. I've conversed online with people who have specific formulas for the threesomes or swaps they do with swing partners, like they only give 20% attention to a new swing partner and make sure 80% must go to established partner - yuck! I dislike a rules-based approach to sex. I also dislike how, in swinging it is all supposed to be strictly unemotional and purely recreational. I'd be very cautious about dating anyone who enjoyed that because I don't want to be a toy. I have thought about going to a sex club as just an observer, to see what the appeal is, but it would be just to satisfy my curiosity from an anthropological perspective. I'm curious about a lot of things I would never, ever want to actually do.

Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
If you're in a successful poly relationship, do you still have desires to have casual, no strings sex with others? Or do you keep yourself now to only your poly partners?
I have nothing against having casual sex, but that doesn't mean I have random sex with strangers, and I wouldn't call the kind of casual sex I engage in "no strings," either. I want some kind of connection beyond the physical. That being said, I don't have the kinds of committed partners that are fully-entwined in my day-to-day life. My poly approach is mostly to develop friendships with men that I want to also have sex with, as I don't want those boyfriend-type of partnerships and want more casual parameters for my relationships. So, for me, there is no commitment nor need to be sexually faithful to the people I get involved with, although I like to be informed of what my FWBs are up to, from a safety standpoint.

Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
I'm finding that I'm not really interested in sexual relationships outside of my husband and my boyfriend. It might be NRE, but I know that when I had NRE with my husband, I was still sexually drawn to other men. Now that I have two people I love, I feel completed and have no real interest in sex with other people. Was wondering if other people have experienced this as well. . .
For lots of people, two relationships is quite enough. Nothing odd about that. Practicing polyamory doesn't automatically mean you have to go around having a sexual free-for-all or remain open to any possibility that comes along. Sounds like you're satisfied with what you have - how nice!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 06-08-2014 at 07:52 AM.
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