Originally Posted by Magdlyn
I'm sorry, but, pffft! Most people put some kind of limits on how often the metamour can be seen. Being in a V is much much different than being in a mono thing.
Personally, in my 4+ years of being partnered with my gf, I've almost always seen other lovers once a week at most. Right now I've got a serious bf, we've been together 1 1/2 years and Ive just started seeing him more than once a week, that is, one overnight and one daytime date. However, he has a wife of his own and things to do! That's about all he can manage time-wise as well.
I am more thinking about how often I want him to be at home (or with me), instead of telling how much he can see her.
It doesn't matter to me if he is out with friends or with her, he is not with me. So I want at least 3 week nights, and one weekend day where I have him for myself. Most of the time so far it works out.
(The rest is not just directly to your response, also just things that popped up and I feel are healthy to let out)
It just sucks this week, because although he was with me, for my feelings it doesn't count because I was on bed rest and we didn't get to go out or do anything together. But for him it does count, because we were together all day.
I guess this is just part of feeling our way together and seeing what works.
I'm also very aware of giving them this time now because they won't have it later.
I'll be a stay at home mom, so there will be times when if she wants to see him, she'll just have to come over, either when I'm here and (hopefully!) sleeping, or when he is taking care of his daughter in the evenings and I have some time for myself. She is ok with watching the baby as well when he and I need some time alone, although realistically it will be more my mother in law who will demand that we leave the baby with her
(if possible. I realize that I could have a high needs baby, and won't be able to get out much at all.)
When I met my husband we we met on a Friday on a weekend away with mutual friends. We were together all weekend, had our first date on Monday, another one on Tuesday, and on Wednesday we slept together and have been together every single night since then (well, except for some work trips he had to make and some back home trips of mine). But things moved fast and intense. And it is the same with them right now, things are moving fast and intense.
And knowing how much the need is to be with him, to be able to touch him, smell him, and just be around him, how can I deny her that which I had/have as well? I joke with him that it is all his fault, that he is addictive!
It does get a bit less with time (doesn't disappear though), that's why I prefer sharing to having things separate. I don't care about the sex, but the need to be with him and around him has increased a lot again during pregnancy.
I'm also not a big fan of secondary and primary labels. He loves her, similar to how he loves me. There are differences of course, simply because we are different persons. But I'm not less, nor more, important than she is.
Our baby will be. She will be more important than me, than her and than him. That is something we (husband and I) agree upon.
I think he is going to be an amazing father, and will fall 100% in love with his daughter the moment he sees her