We talk a lot, my husband and I. He knows how I feel and keeps telling me that I want to go to fast, that I have to be patient.
I'm not a patient person
I also feel very insecure. Which I *know* are the hormones talking, because I am usually not like that. But I feel a lot less than her. I feel not as wanted. I feel not as desired. I don't know what I have to offer that he cannot get better from her (she is younger, prettier, finished school, will probably work when I won't, isn't big, fat and ugly with pregnancy etc).
This is all very unrealistic, I know. Yet I cannot help but feel that way anyway.
I talk to him about it and he does his best to comfort me and tell me all the ways that isn't true... but it simply isn't helping.
I feel miserable when he is not here.
We did settle down on a "rule" (I hate the word rule. But I don't know what other word would be better suited...) that will help I think...
I asked him to not spend 2 nights in a row with her, to be home at least around 1am on the nights that he is not spending the night with her (as opposed to 5am). I sleep so much better when he is lying next to me, including all his snoring
. More than 1 night in a row of not sleeping right now is too much for me.
They have a small holiday to the beach planned (with me being ok with that of course) so that will be the exception. I am ok with that, because once I am closer to my due date I don't want him to be so far away from me.
I asked him that whatever he does, when I am within 4 weeks of my due date, that he is never father away then a 30 minute drive. If that means staying at home till rush hour is gone, so be it.
He does support me in what I need a lot. I had a pre-term labor scare a few days ago and he cancelled all plans he had (work and private) and stayed with me, and took care of me. I had to get an injection (I'm scared of needles) and he stayed with me and went to see her later.
So logically and rationally, I know that I am still important, I know he still loves me just as much and I know that he won't leave me. Rationally, I know that the love he feels for her doesn't take away the love he feels for me, it is just in addition.
Hormonally though, I feel like he only wants to be with her, misses her when she isn't there, but not me. That he doesn't want to be with me, because he always is with me anyway.
He is handling his NRE pretty well. I am somewhat of a control freak and like knowing everything (it calms me down and seeing how happy they are makes me feel better about the entire situation) and he complies by talking to me about things whenever I ask him, and answers all my questions.