Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
Opening a relationship is not an easy feat. Asking him to slow down to work on your marriage is a good idea
I think this might be the crux of the matter. Did you ask him to "slow down"? or was it more of a "chose between me and her" situation?
You say he is frustrated with the open/closed/open/closed dynamic. I get that, and can see why he might be bitter and feel like YOU don't respect his feelings and experiences. I also get that you need to slow down and heal and take care of your issues before your marriage collapses in front of you. Believe me, I do. And sometimes "closing" i's the only way to regain focus on your own relationship. But if he is really into her, and feels like you are making him lose something that's good for him, that could be worse for your relationship.
Maybe if you could agree to discuss the situation in a less Binary-ic way, things will get easier for you both? Have you tried talking about the "closing" of the marriage in less permanent terms? It doesn't have to be an "either or" situation. Could be seen as a continuum, where you NOW need him to slow down this other relationship, and maybe in a while they could have a relationship of some sort, sexual or otherwise.