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Old 05-18-2013, 01:28 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
One of my co workers today was bragging about how he and his wife (together for 10 years) cannot sleep when they're apart.

Besides the fact that that sounds very unpractical to me (not just from a poly POV - but what if someone has to go to hospital? visit a relative? gets stuck in traffic? etc..) it also sounds, to me, unhealthy.. in any kind of relationship, mono or poly, and really not something to be proud of or something that 'proves' how much people love each other.
My boss at work is like that with her husband, though she doesn't brag about it. The bragging part is idiotic. No, it doesn't mean a couple is more solid and more in love or anything like that. I don't think it's healthy either. What a lame thing to boast about. My boss's husband was recently hospitalized for a few days for hip replacement surgery and she got a hotel room near the hospital (which is in the city - they live an hour and a half outside the city). She was complaining that she would be exhausted at work because she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep without him next to her. And I think she mentioned feeling like she had to barricade the hotel door with something, so I guess she's someone who is afraid to be alone at night. Amazing to me, since she lives in a huge house, like 4000 sq. ft huge. They've been married about 25 years, since she was in her early 20s.

Okay, maybe I have no reason to cite my marriage as something that worked well, because it has ended, but it was a healthy, mutually supportive relationship for a long time before my husband wanted other things. Anyway, he and I could always handle things like going on trips separately. We didn't feel like sleeping apart was such a terrible thing. We'd talk on the phone and miss each other when we we each off doing our own things, but nobody was losing sleep! We embraced whatever was happening in our lives and met it all with an open-minded attitude.

Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
Things like that remind me how free I've always been and felt in my marriage. We had a separate social life long before we even thought of poly. Went on trips with friends instead of each other. Spent most of our evenings at home in different rooms because we have very different hobbies. Maybe that has made the transition much easier?
Probably. My husband and I also had no qualms about flirting with and checking out other people. I've often wondered if, had he not been so hell-bent to end it with me over the things he took issue with, we might have one day been okay with poly, because our relationship did work so well for a long time basically because we saw each other as two independent people who just enjoyed each other's company and relied on each other for certain things, but not ALL things.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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