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Old 05-17-2013, 10:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,670

Still struggling to sleep. I wake at three in complete panic, full of tears and heart ache. Slowly I am not feeling like that ever moment of the day but changing to quiet resignment.

I find it hard to reach out to people but know that if I do I might find some comfort. Somehow I don't feel worthy if that. Still, I'm pushing through with as many grounding, self loving and concentrated focus on me.

I have a hard time believing that I am still Mono's Lilo in all of this. He is doing his best to show me but I find it placating still. He's bought parts to two up his bike so that I might ride with him. A huge change for him. He's encouraged us to make plans and to keep talking and actively loving each other. All this mixed in with talk of his desire for time and intimacy with T. Its hard to swallow but for some reason I need to know so as to make it real.

I've been talking with Brad regularly and with Derby. Its been slow going and awkward to find a place that works as a friendship between us. Early days yet. Lots in the works I'm sure.

PN's lady needs more time and more space to consider a relationship with him. There are still reservations about his home life. He watches and listens as she continues to date yet spend really nice bonding times with him. I really hope his patience pays off.
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Last edited by redpepper; 05-17-2013 at 10:19 PM.
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