Originally Posted by opalescent
I've noticed that people who worry a lot about being considered selfish often struggle with boundaries - both setting one's own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. If you don't feel like you have the right to set a boundary for yourself, or don't expect others to respect your boundaries, then it can be hard to have a strong sense of self, to know where 'you' end and others begin. I consider boundary setting and respecting (as well as negotiating boundaries) to be a critical adult skill .
Thank you. This posts helps a lot to make something clear to me.
So far our relationship model has been to put the needs and wants of the other person ahead of our own. This worked for us, because we both did the same thing, so it balanced out very well for us.
Adding a new person to the mix and it becomes more difficult. I realized that I'm still in the mode of putting my husbands needs and wants (and therefor hers) before my own. It is something I'll work on, because you are right, I have to set my own boundaries.