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Old 05-17-2013, 12:17 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default Yes, I'm actually posting.

So where to start and what to say? The emotional roller coaster has slowed. I'm sleeping and eating and breathing again. This whole poly thing is such an unusual journey. Just when you think you know how to do it something will come out of nowhere and completely change things for you.

Our tribe is going through some rather dramatic changes. I'm still not sure where things will end up. I went out for coffee with Mono one on one yesterday (for what I think was the first time ever). Part of what we talked about is how everything seems to be changing all at once, and not even just for us. Change is just in the air. Change is hard and painful at times but the thing is that it usually ends up working out in a strange way.

I'm still referring to our tribe as our tribe because all of them are hugely important to me. It's going to be a struggle to define a friendship with RP. I'm not sure where the line is of what to share and what to keep to myself. The last thing I want to do is to be the cause of any more pain for her. She's going through plenty as it is. It's going to take time to define what the new normal is. I've also never really attempted a friendship with a former lover. But then again I haven't had a relationship end where there isn't a lot of anger involved.

I'm still really unsure about posting anything about my dating life. Hopefully at some point that will get more comfortable for me. Although it's not like I post here on any kind of regular basis! (I apologize to all my fans ).

Derby season is on again. Moving my body quiets my mind which some days is a very good thing. I keep telling myself that eventually all this confusion will make sense. It's not like my life hasn't been dramatically changed before. I have the knowledge that I can survive whatever poly throws at me. Even if one day I am alone, I am just fine with being just me. I'm pretty awesome company even for myself.
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