Sorry I am a little late on this, I just check in every couple of months. I am the hinge between my husband, R, and boyfriend, D, and I would say we are very successful and can give you some hope for an even more fulfilling future (I have read your other post wishing you could be more with him).
Bf, D, was my highschool sweetheart so we had some past, but our poly story started with 3 years of still being in love "over the phone" as my husband wasn't ready for us to see each other in person (D living a few hours away), then 4 years of only getting to spend one weekend a month with him due to the distance, but has progressed so that for the past 2 1/2 years we actully all live together!
As for living together with children ages 13 and 11, and requiring that husband's parents and the neighborhood doesn't know the dymanics - the economy has helped us there! It is more common than you might think for people to take in a roommate. People don't suspect a thing (or at least don't show they suspect and still let their kids come over for sleepovers!) when we say, "Oh, yeah, and our friend rents the in-law suite in our house." That might be an option for you guys as well. You could all move into a house that is big enough for everyone with an "in-law suite" you could rent from them, giving you some personal space, but also able to be a bigger part of the family.
My 13 yr old figured things out, but the 11 yr old still doesn't know, so my alone time with D is still a bit limited. We get an hour and a half Mon-Thurs mornings and then Fridays until 3 when school is in. When it is out, it is more tricky!
To be honest, my husband lost his sex drive years ago (and at a very young age - but refuses testosterone treatment), so we are only physically intimate once a month or so, but in every other way we are a normal loving couple that cooks dinner together, takes baths together, go on dates and we share the same bed except for a few nights per month. When we are in public he is the arm I am hung on, but D walks closely on my other side. R and D have become best friends and actually spend a lot of time together doing guy things even when I don't feel like tagging along (they are both straight).
D is an important part of our family now and can't imagine ever having to live without us now, nor us without him.
As for your other post - I often go through phases where I am feeling girlie and am a little sad that I can never marry D and be his wife in a more traditional way. I love him so deeply and would love to proclaim that to the world! But the mood eventually settles and I am grateful for the full and wonderful life that I have. This past Christmas we did get matching wedding bands to symbolize our lifelong commitment to each other and he wears his on his ring finger (to show he is taken) and I wear mine on a different finger since I already have a wedding band with my husband. He takes his off if we are around people we REALLY don't want to suspect anything.
All in all, it's a beautiful life!