You do know how you feel -- you feel confused.
You do not know how to behave
next in this situation. And that is totally ok, and not an unreasonable place to be at right now under the circumstances. Go easy on yourself.
BREATHE. Literally -- if you feel a wave of "yargh!" coming on, stop and take some deep breaths. Most people hold their breath with tension. Feel whatever wave of ugh and let it blow on through as best you can. Holding it in just makes you more tense.
SELF CARE BASICS: Triage at this point. Take care of your basic maslow needs
-- air, food, sleep. Skip the sex unless it is masturbation. Y'all will need STD testing. As you re-secure one level, you can begin to climb up to address issues on the next maslow tier. That could be one approach.
Ask your counselor about the stages of grief. It may still be TOO NEW for you -- and you are in "shock" stage. The "I can't believe this is happening to me!" place.
If you are a visual person, perhaps this also could help you
navigate your emotions until you arrive at the crisis point where things shift... in the previous link that's the "stage 5 upward turn" place.
Could talk to your counselor about supporting you through this internal emotional work on the (me to myself) layer of relationship.
When you think about the layer of (me & DH) layer of the relationship... You may not want to polyship with spouse again, but reading through these pitfalls may help you understand how to cope with emotional management fallout:
And perhaps some of the page 5 & 6 things below could help in the healing/trust rebuilding. That doesn't mean you polyship at all, much less with the other woman... but it helps you work toward repair if that's what you and your husband want to do. Some practical triage "doables" while sifting through the fog as formulate the long term plan for your next future.
Again, I am so sorry. Breaking trust this way -- it's terrible.
Hang in there!
PS If it is looking like breaking up... and if it is not arranged that way already? Could secure your own finances with money in your OWN name in your OWN account. Know the laws in your area.
You are emotionally vulnerable and don't need NEW shenanigans making it worse. Old thread -- may or may not be helpful