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Old 05-16-2013, 12:05 PM
afar afar is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 7
Default Follow Up

Follow up:

Recently, there have been some new developments to my situation. When we agreed to close the marriage in counseling back in mid-March he said he needed a week to 'transition' his relationship with his outside partner to a platonic friendship. The marriage was open prior to closing it a grand total of 3 days. I immediately become suspicious for that fact. If there had been no sex, and he only had the freedom of a potential sexual relationship with her for 3 days, why did he need 7-9 days to 'learn how to connect to her in a platonic way' when prior to that 3 day period of open status that's all they were anyway? I thought it smelled fishy, but recognized that if I was going to say no to this ever happening I had to give in gracefully, so I did. The goal between the three of us from day one was that even if sexual relationships couldn't work, we would all 3 be friends. I had been working to that end with the other woman until a couple weeks ago. She opened up to me mistakenly and told me that their 'friendship' never became a platonic one, and that they had essentially been having an affair for the last month. When I confronted him about it in therapy, he denied it and said she was lying in order to drive a wedge between my husband and I because she was in love with him. I also found out that they had made plans to move in together. It took several hours of fighting, but he finally came clean and admitted that what she had told me was the truth. He also said that he was wrong and wished he could take it all back, but that he obviously couldn't. He has said that he does not want a divorce, and can emotionally commit to our marriage now and wants to continue working on it. I am not opposed to this, but I don't know how to ever trust him again. Open marriage was something I needed in order to explore my sexuality but because of how wrong this went, I know I will never attempt it with him again. The worst thing I discovered was that at the end of March, I had to leave town for the weekend. I didn't feel ready to leave home for an extended period of time, but he guilted me into going by accusing me of throwing my career down the drain. While I was gone, she came over and they were on my couch. I am sickened by the deception and manipulation the two of them played on me. I am even further angry because she came into my home while she knew I was gone, and knowing that I was not ok with them having a sexual relationship. Top that off with the fact that when I confronted the two of them with my suspicions prior to learning the truth, they both acted offended and told me how much my suspicion hurt their feelings since I had no evidence. They both let me apologize for something that was actually going on, and they both made me a fool. Now I feel worthless and humiliated and uncomfortable in my own home. My husband and I have not divorced or seaprated. We are trying to work things out. He has told her that they can no longer be friends because he realizes how badly they screwed this up. My problem at this point is how do I get over all of this? We are still seeing the marriage counselor, and I do want to save the marriage, but I wonder if I would be better off splitting up and remaining friends for the sake of our child? I am very angry and hurt by him, and a lot of the things he said to me during all of this and I don't know if I will ever get over his cruelty. Any advice?
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