The weather is fairly decent. The sun is shining, but it is only 15○. I am out with my children and Nanny J enjoying this sunny but cool day.
Matt left this morning. I should be hearing from him soon. It was only a three hour flight.
Si is having lunch with us. She called and wanted to see us, so we agreed on a time and place. Duckie #1 wants to spoil her appetite. She spotted churros con chocolate. We are by the Portobello Street Market, and food stalls are all over. The temptation is real.
I am looking forward to have lunch with Si. I enjoy spending time with her. I miss her and being around her. Our friendship is stronger than ever. We are having a movie night and sleepover Saturday night. I cleared it with Matt. Her presence does not bother him. It was the whole third parent situation and his lack of trust in her. The first part has been squared away, and we have agreed to stop trying to force him to accept what cannot be. Si is transitioning to the role of an aunt/godparent. She has no problem with that. She is happy that she can continue to be in their lives. We had to accept that we were not going to win this battle. I am content knowing that we can move past this and on to other things.
Si kissed me the last time I saw her. I told Matt about it. He was not mad, but he appreciated me telling the truth and not hiding it. I enjoyed it. I walked her out the other night, hugged her, and our lips met. I did not immediately break from the kiss. Partly because I wanted it to happen. Our chemistry is undeniably there. I do want to talk about how she feels about us and what her hopes are. I am still in love with her, and though I cannot make up my mind regarding who I want to be, I do acknowledge that the heart wants what the heart wants. I am fortunate because she is patiently waiting for me to get myself together. She is working on herself, so if we get back together, we will both be better people. I am trying to tune my heart out and follow my mind. My heart strings are tugged when I am around her, but my mind reminds me of all that needs to be fixed before I can have two healthy relationships.
I am off to bond with the duckies and get ready for lunch with the woman I am in love with. No denying that. This is the first time that it has hit me that I really am in love with two people who are so different and amazing in their own rights. I may not have realised how lucky I was before, but I do now.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.