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Old 01-20-2010, 02:34 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 175

I think the problem is not with the terms and more with peoples perceptions of those terms,

Originally Posted by Derbylicious
I don't know if the lables are a good idea in the long term, but when starting up a new relationship when you already have an established relationship(s) it can be a good idea to use the labels so that everyone has the same understanding of what's going on.

This isn't to say that the primary/secondary relationship structure is written in stone but it does allow for a starting point from which the relationships can grow and develop.


I actually disagree and think that primary secoundary labels are bad way to start out. We almost did this and i am glad that we did not. The point is not everyone has the same understanding of what those labels mean anyway and so it has to be explained regardless and it is so easy to fall into the pitfalls of what those labels could mean. When starting out on a new relationship i would rather explain what i am looking and what i hope to develop before informing someone that they will be my secondary partner. And i am even more wary of telling people who are not polyamorous that one of my partners is a secondary because garenteed many monogomous people will presume that means the secoundary partner will always come secound and be valued less.

I truely believe we can make our expectations clearer if we avoid those labels.

That is true for me for future. IF something ever (God forbid) happened to Maca, I won't remarry in the legal sense, unless the kids were still little.
THEN I would-because it would give GG the ability to add them to his medical insurance at work.
But generally speaking I think the technicality is a pain in the ass.

It is having kids that makes me worry about the legalitys because here in UK only a married couple have same rights when raising a child. We are already exploring ways around this so that when I do have a child both partners will have equal parental rights and there are safegaurds inplace incase something happens to one off us,

I object the idea of legal marrige anyway because i do not feel it nesesery at all that the state give me a piece of paper to tell me that i am in a relationship. For me marrige will be purly a spiritual commitment between me and my partners and will have nothing to do with the law.

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