View Single Post
Old 05-16-2013, 04:12 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default In general it's not a good sign

at all for someone to give you an ultimatum of who you can and can't be friends with. When there has not been any sort of lies or cheating about your relationships I wouldn't tolerate such a demand unless you were in recovery and every time you hung out with C you were drinking or using.

But making a decision that will drastically affect your personal life because someone on a forum advised it is not a wise thing to do.

Sometimes the way a person gives you an ultimatum can give hints about their frame of mind and intentions, it would sound less likely to be manipulation if your primary give himself an ultimatum, more along the lines of he can't be in a relationship with you if you're seeing other people. It gets hard to explain the difference since the outcomes would be the same either way, but there are many subtle different ways a person can give an ultimatum. If the person giving an ultimatum has an angry attitude that feels blaming or has an aire of punishing I would be much more suspicious than a calm, somber man who decides he can't be the boyfriend of a woman who sees other people

if that makes any sense

What are the reasons he gives you for the ultimatum to end the relationship ? If the only reason is because you and C are "close" friends I would seriously question your primaries ability love you in a healthy way.

Especially if C isn't really a very sexual person

I say that because when a partner asks their spouse to sever ties with a good friend simply because said friend has a close relationship, that is a very destructive if not pathological level of jealousy.

Human beings have so much to learn about how to have healthy, close relationships with others. It really doesn't take much to destroy relationships, just a touch of dishonesty or a tad of maliciousness that is never owned up to and firmly denied can make life miserable for all involved.

Just remember you are lucky to be so young, as I believe there will be an awakening of sorts in the mind of civilization -- an understanding if you will -- of how much more fulfilling life can and will be when we allow ourselves to have close friendships wherein we truly share our lives and our experiences with the people we choose to be close to. When honesty is present among people with shared values and beliefs, close intimate relationships yield a more rewarding life than any amount of material wealth could ever bring into human lives. And it really doesn't matter whether or not sex is included in the intimate relationships.

In twenty years the world could be a completely different world, and it will be for many people, and you'll just be turning forty.

Hang in there, and do whatever you think is right

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 05-16-2013 at 06:10 AM.
Reply With Quote