Thank you for your support Magdlyn.
Yeah, it was a very complicated and delicate situation and I feel like I didn't handle it well at all. But here's to learning from mistakes and taking it forward!
Last night I was feeling a bit stressed. I called Nisha on my way home from work to ask her what she wanted to do for dinner. Turns out she'd be late at work, so she told me to go ahead and eat something without her. So I took this as an opportunity to spend some time alone at home. I haven't had any time to myself in months and I was looking forward to this.
I ordered dinner, bought some beer and was all ready to turn on the Playstation (yes I still play video games and probably always will, so what?) and have some fun when Nisha called and said she was done with work and would be home soon. That was a slight bummer. As she hung up, I realised it was raining outside so I called her back to ask her if she had an umbrella. She didn't and she usually walks home from work with her laptop, so I offered to carry some from the house and go pick her up.
She was happy about that. Score points for me!
But when we got back home, I couldn't help feeling sad/bad/irritated that the night I had imagined wasn't going to happen. Nisha could tell that something was wrong so she asked me. Normally I would have just said "nothing", but this time I thought about it and expressed to her that I was just feeling sad/bad/irritated that the night I had imagined wasn't going to happen and that I really needed to spend some alone time as I hadn't in ages. And Nisha didn't take it badly, she understood and offered to go away during the weekend so I could have the house to myself.
It felt so good! Normally we would have been fighting about something as stupid as this but we were both making an effort not to. I took something from me to express myself calmly and clearly and it took her an effort to listen to me and not feel unwanted or insecure.
I hope that we get better and better at this and its not something we're doing now because wounds are fresh. If everyday was like that, my life would be perfect.