I have read and followed this forum for a while but I decided to join it today for the sake of asking a question.
I met my love online over a year ago now. He is an amazing man and pretty well known in our little community. He has also been married for 23 years to his wife and has children so our relationship is kept very lo key because we live in a small religious community that his wife's whole family lives in and she doesn't want anyone to know the situation.
I have been more than agreeable to her demands because I do love him so much. I can't even hold his hand or be myself with him in public when it's just the two of us unless we are far from home. I can't express myself to him at home unless the kids are in bed or at school and I accept all all those things. When I had my place I would at least get to sleep with him once in a while but now that I am living with him I don't even get that. Right now the only reason I ever get to be alone with him is because we are both unemployed and looking for jobs. Once we start working I will probably get no time to be alone and in love with him and I am even willing to deal with that.
The thing I am having a hard time with tonight is his wedding band. He has not worn a ring since I have known him. I assumed by choice but as it turns out it was just missing. last night his daughter found his wedding band and today he has started wearing it. Then hold wife comes comes in and goes now it's right where it belongs and makes a point of looking right at me and adjusting it a few times with a smug little grin.
I know I am being selfish but I absolutely hate that he's wearing his ring again and she is getting such smug satisfaction out of it. It's like this giant fucking reminder that I will never have that. I know I made my choice and I don't regret it one bit but I'm such a secret, and I spend every night alone. This was kinda my last straw. I want to be with him, I love him more than anything.
I just want to know if I ever get to stop being a second class citizen. Do I ever get to be equal to the woman he freely admits to even my family he does not love.