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Old 05-15-2013, 11:59 PM
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PolyPaulie PolyPaulie is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 9
Unhappy I'm 20 and need relationship advise!

My name is Paulie and I'm 20. Iv'e known that I was polyamorous and Pansexual since before I knew there were words for those things. I'm having relationship troubles and I need advise from someone who has more experience with Poly dating than I do.

Over three years ago I started dating a guy who was NOT poly, but told me that he didn't mind me seeing other girls. He only felt threatened by "men" (anyone with a penis). I completely fell in love with him and he became my primary. We were truly happy together and GREAT for each other. I had a very fulfilling secondary relationship with another girl for a year until she left me. I grieved for a while and then I felt the itch to be seeing someone else. But his "no penis" rule turned out to be a big problem twice.

The first was when I fell for a girl who was on estrogen and hadn't had bottom surgery yet. I told him and we argued about it. He considered her a man and didn't feel comfortable with it. So I broke it off with her.

The second time is my current predicament. I fell in love with another man who is a mutual friend of ours (I'll call him C). I love C just as much as I love my primary. I thought that being with C would not be a problem for my primary because C is Asexual (which means he is not interested in sex) and sex was my primary's main problem. We talked it over, and my primary agreed to try it for a while, but he just doesn't feel okay with it and he wants my relationship with C to end now. I've tried and tried to get over C, but I can't seem to.

Well, my primary and I had a falling out the other night and he broke up with me. He told me that I'm better of with C because C is totally Polyamorous and he is not. And he told me that if I do want to be with him, I have to end things with C immediately, and then MAYBE we can work things out. This has made me feel like I've made a bad mistake pressing the issue. I love my primary and his condition of me not seeing other men was not a big problem until I fell in love with C. I don't want to leave someone who is my best friend, works so well with me, and that I love so much, for someone new I started dating four months ago.

Is it smart to stay with my primary? Can a Poly person date a Mono person and have it work out in the end? Can I get over C? Any other advise you think is relevant? I just need to hear something helpful from someone who understands Polyamory.
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