Thread: Musings
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Old 05-15-2013, 10:17 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 452

Thanks for posting & keeping up with this blog. I really enjoy your perspective. I liked what you had to say about having multiple dogs vs. having an "only" dog, and how you can think about multiple romantic relationships with humans in a similar way.

It reminded me of how I'm always surprised when people who lose a dog (when the dog dies, I mean) go out and get a new dog right away. I'm not like that--I need a long time to grieve for the old dog without "replacing" it. Yet, people who get a new dog quickly aren't really wrong nor are they doing something bad--they have love to give to a new dog, and having the new dog helps them recover from their sadness over the old dog. Maybe I dwell on things too much and grieve too much.

Similarly, a friend of mine experienced being left suddenly by his live-in boyfriend last year. The boyfriend just packed up and moved out while my friend was away on a work trip. Didn't even say good-bye. Now, if that happened to me I would have curled up and grieved for like a year.

But my friend got right back into dating--and not casual dating, but dating with the specific intent to find another serious live-in partner. It seemed strange to me, like he just wanted to replace his ex-boyfriend with another boyfriend. Yet, my friend knew exactly what he wanted and was happy with the choices he was making. His sadness over missing his ex did not seem to last very long. He "moved on."

I sort of hate the phrase "move on." I guess because I do what I need to do in the way I need to do it, which feels to me like moving on, like entering a new phase in my life, but to other people it looks like I am stuck and still grieving. I guess because I am very slow to "move on" from things that make me grieve.

I'm not sure if I'm wrong or if I just do things my own way and that works for me.

Thank you for your thought-provoking posts. Good luck with the developments in your relationship with your SO!
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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