Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
The "secondary" term I see as being absolutely applicable in SOME situations/times (as Booklady explained) and not in others. The fact that it carries a negative tone is unfortunate - but education CAN overcome that.
It kind of reminds me of a term I've heard a lot - "3rd wheel". Arrgghhhhh
How many times have I heard people say "I'm not being anyone's 3rd wheel" ! Have you guys heard that ? It's so negative ! That 3rd wheel is a critical component of a tricycle !
But in any case - it "seems" to me that the full & equal role of everyone in a relationship is kind of the holy grail that everyone would strive for - IF the conditions permitted. But sometimes they don't and someone plays a "secondary" role. But like the tricycle, that role can be critical and not to be demonized.
GS-I agree, I DO have secondary relationships (they don't HAPPEN to be sexual at this time in my life, none the less they exist).
I just think it's frustrating to have others consider someone who is PRIMARY in my life my "secondary" simply because he's not my husband.
I don't have an issue WITH having secondaries, I have an issue with having my TWO primaries ..... not being acknowledged for the level of responsibility they BOTH take in our family. It's not really about the ME part of it, it's the family.
They both put all of their time, money, priority, commitment into this family and household. They both take full responsibility for the kids, the bills, the chores, the health crisis'...
I do very much dislike labels-for me it's a defensive "don't try to put me in a box" thing-spent a LOT of my life in someone else's box trying to get out.
But they certainly have their place, especially when talking to people who aren't "close enough" to you to motivate you to give them detailed explanations.