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Old 05-15-2013, 06:05 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,765

Originally Posted by leelee22 View Post
Nope... you're not going to get rid of me so easily.

I don't want "a nice single (non-poly) man for casual dating". For starters, I don't WANT casual dating! I want a serious, loving relationship, just like other people want. I don't have the freedom to move in with anyone or have them move in with me because of a promise I made to my kids. Also, I have less time than is enough for most partners. Not less love to give, just less TIME.

And i don't mind being "secondary" in status to another woman at all. I just want not to be just a sexual plaything. I don't think it's automatically true that to be a secondary, you need to be just a "fuck buddy".

And I think that logically, there IS less cheating in the poly community. To say there isn't is a pretty serious indictment of polyamory. I think it's the reverse: if you are a cheater, you are NOT really part of the poly community. You don't have the moral courage to be. I have met a handful of poly people in real life now, and the thing that impresses me about them is their ethics. they tell me things like "I used to be a cheater, but then I decided i couldn't do that to her anymore, because I love her. So I confessed, and we negotiated this new relationship, and it's harder than cheating, but it's better."

Men who have the balls and the empathy to do that are the pool of partners I intend to choose my beloved from. Even if this board labels me as "not really poly."
No one is trying to get rid of you..

There are many single men who fit your wants. My boyfriend was one of them. He likes his freedom and he has no urge to move anyone into his house full time. He had a bad experience in the past and at 39 is kind of set in his ways. He says I am the only woman he has dated he would think about changing that with BUT that is because I am like him I understand needing space. Even before I was poly I needed time away from my relationship. Many men like their freedom and do not need to be attached at the hip. My boyfriend's friends keep asking if I have friends like me. (They do not know that I have a husband at home.)

Do some reading here on the forums and around the internet on poly relationship issues. We have as many liars, fibbers, and cheats. Just like the mono world.

My advice is be open to who ever comes your way who fits your life. My concern is labeling yourself as secondary material only will attract those who will not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

My boyfriend wasn't looking to be involved with married woman. We met he fell hard, and so did I. But this hasn't been easy. But we just click. He is actually more compatible with me than my husband. Yet I need both of them they both bring something different to the table.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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